12 weeks - and we're GOING HOME!

What a week this has been!

At the beginning of the week we were told we could give Sophie her first bath, which was very exciting! The nurse showed us how to get the water temperature right, undress Sophie to her nappy and wrap her in a towel, then hold her over the edge of the bath to wash her hair. She absolutely hated having her hair washed, and that was the first time we had ever heard her really screaming!





However, once she was into the bath she absolutely loved it! The nurse said you could tell by her body language that she was really happy. She was gripping onto the underneath side of my arm the whole time I was holding her in the bath, but her little legs were kicking and her arms were flapping and she looked as if she was really having fun! She looked so cute with her hair all wet and slicked back. She spent the whole bath looking all around her and taking everything in.



When she was dried off, I found such a cute outfit for her to wear, and she looked so sweet with her hair all fluffy! The nurse told us we could just come in and bath her whenever we wanted now and we didn't have to wait to be told we could do it. That's definitely a step closer to feeling as if she is really our baby!










Sophie is now 5lb 8 - she has not put on any weight since last time she was weighed, but she hasn't lost any, which is the main thing. They had fully expected her to lose some, with going from being tube-fed to demand breastfeeding, but she hadn't so that's great news!

She is getting so much better at feeding, and her oxygen levels are definitely improving. She's getting much better at keeping her oxygen levels up during her feeds.

Grandad visited on Wednesday and had cuddles and then after her teatime feed, Alan held Sophie up above the screen so just her wee head was peeking over the top - it looked sooo cute! The nurse came to help and tried to get her to put her hands so that they were gripping the top of the screen but Sophie didn't really co-operate!

Super Sophie!

Sophie had a really hungry day on Thursday and never seemed to stop eating! The nurses are doing the night time feeds by bottle and she is breastfeeding through the day. We took her own bottles in so that she doesn't get too used to the hospital teats.

Another premmie mummy, Sandi, came to see us this week, with little Alex - another 27 weeker who was born last year. It's great having all these new friends who have gone through the same thing and they have been so supportive.

Sophie's sleep study was repeated AGAIN on Friday night. Dona and her husband Gordon had invited us round for dinner that night and we were very glad to be spending the evening with friends rather than stressing out beside Sophie's cot, with our eyes clued to her numbers on her monitor! We had a really lovely evening and got home pretty late which was also good - better than pacing the floor all night!

The dreaded sleep study monitor - but looking good at 97!

Saturday morning came and we nervously phoned the hospital to see how she was getting on. We couldn't decide whether we wanted to phone or not but we did want to see how she was! The nurse told us that so far, it was looking good - but we'd been told this on the last sleep study too, so we didn't want to get our hopes up. The community nurse who was reading the sleep study had read half of it and then gone out! We were unbelievably nervous going up to Edinburgh, and I will never forget how I felt going into that nursery almost scared to look at Sophie.

I sneaked a look at her cot as I went to wash my hands, and the monitor was gone....all her monitors were gone! Alan was too nervous to look and I whispered to him that they were gone. We went to speak to the nurse, and she asked us if we wanted the good news or the bad news. We were fully expecting to be told she could go home but on oxygen. She said to us "The good news is you can take Sophie home on Monday - and there is no bad news"!! So mean! But we were so happy we didn't even care! I picked Sophie up - the first time EVER without her being attached to anything - and walked about the nursery with her. That was the first time I'd ever been able to walk away from her cot area with her and have no leads to worry about! Then Alan took her and we got some photos. The nurse wheeled her along to our room in her cot and Sophie loved being on the move! She was looked all around her, all wide-eyed!

First even picture with no leads and no monitor!

Kelly, the nurse, told us we had to keep the window closed and the heating turned up high in the room, and then she left us. We were alone with Sophie for the first time ever! It was pretty scary because we'd been so used to her being wired up to monitors, and things bleeping if there was a problem, and having nurses all around. Now it was suddenly just the three of us! Alan had to go away almost immediately to meet his dad in the canteen and I was on my own with Sophie. The first thing I did was dress her in one of her own wee outfits! Then she was hungry and I gave her a little feed...it felt so strange, but lovely, being just us.

Yay, in our room with us at last!

We had lots of visitors all afternoon but finally it was just the three of us. The moment we had been waiting for, for three long months. We had to take Sophie back along to the nursery while we went out for something to eat and then when we came back it was bedtime and that was scary! Sophie was sleeping so quietly and we were both scared to sleep! I don't think either of us really slept that night but Sophie slept well! The nurse came in a couple of times during the night to check Sophie's temperature and make sure we were doing ok. On Sunday morning after I'd fed Sophie, we delivered her back to the nursery and went out for breakfast (the hospital breakfasts were dire!) and then we took her back to our room again. Alan's Uncle Jimmy and Aunty Margaret visited in the afternoon and met Sophie for the first time, then Steph and Brian visited and then Emma, little Anna's mummy came to see Sophie and say goodbye. Hopefully Anna will soon be moving to a hospital closer to home.

Uncle Jimmy and Aunty Margaret

We had lots of paperwork to complete before we were allowed to leave with Sophie, and they did all this on the Sunday so we could get away as soon as possible the next day! We had to have rescusitation training as well - hopefully we will never need it, but it at least gives us peace of mind.

So....home, here we come!! In the meantime, here is a selection of pictures from Sophie's journey through neonatal, week by week from 2 hours old.

11 weeks old...so near, yet so far!

Sophie has been on the move again and is now in special care, as of Saturday night! She looks really cute in her new cot and is now wearing wee cardigans to keep her warm, now that she's not in her heated cot any more. She's starting to look and act just like a newborn. She is now ...fullterm :-) She had her very first proper feed on Saturday, without getting a top-up through her tube, and she went to sleep after it until she woke up right on cue for her next feed!

Sophie in her new home! Finally a proper cot
with hardly any tubes...looking like a newborn

We were told on Sunday that she would be getting her sleep study on Wednesday, and Alan and I were booked into the room for Tuesday night and Wednesday night so that I could start doing every feed, through the night as well as through the day. When she has passed a sleep study and can manage all her feeds and still put on weight then she is allowed to come home!

Special care is very very different from ICU and HDU! It's really just been a case of sitting watching Sophie waiting for her to wake up for her feed! She started doing demand feeding on Tuesday but we're not to let her go longer than 4 hours. She had two successful feeds on Tuesday afternoon and she had to be woken up for both of them! Let's hope she is a good sleeper when we get her home!

It is so lovely being able to pick Sophie up whenever we want, and do absolutely everything for her. She still had her feeding tube at the beginning of the week, but it was getting in the way when she was feeding, and they decided she didn't really need it any more so it was taken out.




Her sleep study started out well on Wednesday morning with her numbers up above 94, but during her late morning feed she gave me a scare when she had a huge dip mid-feed and went grey and floppy and started to go blue round the mouth and eyes. I have never been so terrified in my whole life. The nurse rushed in and grabbed her from me, and started blowing on her and patting her on the back. I felt so helpless and was so wishing Alan was there but he was at work. The nurses said it was just because there is so much to think about when she is learning to feed and she just forgot to breathe. I knew this would mean she'd failed her sleep study but we did think all along that it was very soon to be doing the sleep study when she'd only come off CPAP last week and started demand feeding the day before after being tube fed for every feed up till then.

The feed after that was perfect and there were no dips at all but her heartrate continued to go up and down for the rest of the day. I was still really scared during the next few feeds, and Alan got up with me in the night to go along to do the feeds. The nurse looking after her overnight was lovely, and really got me sorted out with the feeding and helped me to relax with it. Sophie was up once during the night and once around 6.

Cuddles with Daddy...no tubes!

The sleep study was arranged to be repeated on Friday night, and the nurses booked us into the room for another few nights so I could continue to do all the feeds. Alan had to come back home to collect some more clothes etc for us, as we'd only gone with enough for two nights!

Friday came and Sophie's sleep study was repeated. It had to be re-started at midnight because one of the night staff didn't realise the computer was being used for that, and she used it for something else. It was so frustrating! We were told on Saturday morning that Sophie was not yet ready to be going home and that she might have to go home on oxygen. It was one of the community nurses who had read the results of the sleep study and she seemed convinced that Sophie would be going home on oxygen. She was even going to order the cannister so that it didn't delay things as it would take a few days to arrive. She also wanted to arrange for me to go to visit another mum and baby who had just gone home on oxygen so I could see what the set-up was like at home, and she told us that Sophie would be at high risk of cot death. As soon as she said that it all just got too much for me and I rushed out in tears.

I phoned Dona, who had little Archie at 27 weeks last year, and she told me not to rush into anything. She said to give Sophie another week in hospital and see what happened, and that often something just suddenly clicks and oxygen may not be needed. Sophie had needed a feed while all this was going on, and Alan had to give her some expressed milk by bottle - her first ever bottle feed.

I eventually went back along to Special Care and had a cuddle with Sophie then Alan and I went for a cup of tea and talked about our options. We decided we'd rather even have her in hospital another two weeks than bring her home on oxygen for what could end up being a few months. Her saturation levels could improve a lot in a week, and the nurse did said she'd even seen a difference in Sophie that day. I even heard Sophie do her first proper loud cry that afternoon!

I managed to find the mouse outfit again that she'd been wearining in HDU (my very favourite outfit!) and I dressed her in that so that cheered me up a little bit! I was surprised at how much better it fitted her than the last time she had worn it! She was a bit cold so we put a wee pink hat on her too and she looked so cute!


It's been a stressful week - the most stressful since she was born - but maybe next week there will be good news about her coming home! We are really starting to feel the strain now. When she was first born, we knew there would be weeks and weeks stretching ahead - probably at least 13 if we were looking at getting her home around her due date - but now she is a couple of weeks from her due date and it's so hard knowing we are so close to getting her home but still so far.

Here are a few more pictures of Sophie's first week in Special Care.

10 weeks old and first attempts at feeding!

We spent a few hours with Sophie on Sunday and she was wide awake and so alert! She looked very worried most of the time - she always has such a worried look when she opens her eyes, as if she is very suspicious about what she might find when she opens them! We both got cuddles, and Sophie was off her CPAP for 7 hours! Her daddy had to overcome his cotton wool phobia when Sophie was a bit sick and he had to wipe it up...I never ever thought I would see him pick up a piece of cotton wool! I started to wash Sophie's many clothes at the weekend, ready to go into her wardrobe when it arrives next week.


I visited another little baby on the unit, Anna, who is about a month younger than Sophie, then Anna's mummy came to see Sophie before we went for a cup of tea and a catch up. It's so hard to believe that Sophie was that size not so long ago.

It was my birthday on Monday and I can honestly say it's the best birthday I've ever had. I spent the whole day with my little princess, and when I went in, there was a card in her cot and a present hanging on the end! She had given me a beautiful silver heart-shaped locket with "Mum" on it and the card was gorgeous too. What a clever girl getting out to the shops!

My special girl with my special card

Sophie and I had a brilliant day together. She had just come off her CPAP when I arrived at 9am, and had pulled her nose prongs out and was wearing them round her neck like a stethoscope! She had also pulled her feeding tube out! This meant that finally I could see her beautiful little face without any of the tubes that we have been so used to seeing. It's been a long, long wait but definitely worth it. You never expect to have to wait till your baby is 10 weeks old before seeing what they really look like.

First photo of our beautiful girl with no tubes!

The nurse, Anne, said that Sophie didn't need the nose prongs any more so she took them away altogether and Sophie had no tubes at all!! Anne had dressed her in her own tiny pink velvet trousers with feet, which we have been waiting for her to grow into since the week she was born. We thought we'd never see the day that she was big enough for those - even though they are very very tiny (up to 5lb). She looked soooo cute!

Birthday cuddles for mummy :)

Anne asked me if I was planning to breastfeed, and when I said I was, she said Sophie was ready to try! I got all set up with screens round the cot, and Anne said she would just leave us to it, just put Sophie inside my top, have cuddles and see if she did anything, and I was just to shout if I needed any help. Sophie latched on pretty much straight away and Anne was really surprised that she took to it so well immediately :)

Sophie was allowed out for extra cuddles in the afternoon because of it being my birthday, then Anne and I got her all nicely dressed up and took some photos for Babylink. Aunty Caroline visited, and Daddy came in at lunchtime and after work, when he had Sophie cuddles too. Definitely a great birthday!


On Wednesday, Sophie came of CPAP at 4am and was off ALL day until 5pm, then was only back on for 3 hours before getting grumpy with it and trying to pull it off herself! The nurse took it back off again - that's the best she has done yet! She had another successful feed in the afternoon - we weren't sure how much she had actually taken, so the nurse reduced her tube feed by 15ml and she seemed fine. She is still off oxygen altogether! She was wearing her own snuggly white suit that we'd bought her at the weekend, and Grandpa got his very first cuddles in the afternoon. He'd been longing to get cuddles too so was really happy!


When Sophie was weighed on Wednesday night, she was 5lb 2!! When we left the hospital on Thursday evening, she had been off CPAP for 24 hours....but the nurses were not telling Sophie in case she started acting up! They kept whispering to us about it! Sophie had another good feed and we were told if she stayed off CPAP for 72 hours it would be taken away altogether....! We were also told that it would be a miracle if she managed 72 hours off it. She was wearing her own wee babygrow again - newborn size - and it was actually fitting her quite well! The nurse looking after her told us that Sophie was really good natured compared to a lot of the other babies, who could apparently be quite crabby at times!

In her own outfit, and trying to be on the move!

When we phoned at bedtime to see how Sophie was, we were told that the CPAP had been taken away altogether!!! That child never ceases to amaze us.

On Saturday, one of the community nurses came to chat to me about Sophie's progress, and she actually mentioned the H word...we'd got so caught up in visiting every day and watching her progress we'd somehow not realised that she is actually getting pretty close to being ready to come home! I was told that depending on how she was getting on over the weekend, they might put her into a normal cot at the beginning of next week - then they would be looking at her getting transferred to Special Care - the last nursery before home!


The nurse explained that Sophie would have to pass a sleep study before she would be allowed home. This involves her being hooked up to a machine so that they could monitor her oxygen levels and heartrate through various normal activities such as a deep sleep, cuddles, feeds, nappy changes etc etc. Her oxygen level has to be an average of 94 for her to pass. The nurse booked her in for a sleep study next week! It feels very sudden and soon for her to be getting it as she has only just come off CPAP and started breastfeeding but even talking about doing the sleep study is a big step closer to getting her home.

Our gorgeous girl, looking more like a newborn every day

We are feeling pretty overwhelmed at the moment - yesterday was just a normal day and suddenly today they are talking about a normal cot, special care and home very soon! It's so typical, Alan had gone to sit in the canteen for a while (it gets very hot and intense in the room!) and he missed the whole chat so I was trying to take it all in myself! They booked us into the double room on the unit for a couple of nights next week so I can try to get the breastfeeding established and do all the feeds, rather than Sophie having to be tube fed when I'm not there.

Again when we phoned on Saturday night there was a surprise for us - after being told if she was ok all weekend she would be going into a normal cot at the beginning of the week, she was already in a normal cot on Saturday night!! Special care, here we come....watch this space!

9 weeks old and lots of cuddles

This has been quite a week! Sophie was in her own clothes for the first time, and her Granny (Sinclair) and Grandad (Baxter) got cuddles for the very first time - a moment they've been longing for.

Alan and I didn't go up on Sunday to see Sophie as we are trying to have one day each weekend at home to try to catch up with things - hard though it is being away from Sophie, we really need a day at home once a week. Steph and Brian went to see Sophie on Sunday and she was in one of her own outfits for the very very first time! I can't believe I missed that, but Steph kindly took a photo for us :)

Sophie in her first ever "own outfit" - size of outfit: 3lb!

I spent all day on Monday in the neonatal unit with Sophie and she was doing really well. She managed 9 hours off CPAP and when the nurse put it back onto her, she was fighting with it so much it was taken off again! I was allowed to lift Sophie out of her cot myself for the first time which was a bit scary with all the wires and monitor leads, but I managed and had a lovely long cuddle with her. I also changed her babygro for the first time ever!







Sophie had her immunisations that night and we were warned she might be a little bit off colour the next day. She wasn't too affected by them, but she did have to spend the day back on CPAP.
The day after that, she was back to spending 9 hours off.

Granny had her first cuddles this week, and Sophie was in the cutest outfit I have ever seen in my life - a wee pink velvety babygro with mouse feet complete with ears! Grandad (Alan's dad) also got his first cuddles the next day. Grandpa's turn next week...

Granny's first cuddle


Grandad's first cuddle

Sophie's latest weight update is 4lb 10 and she is getting really good at sooking on her dummy while she is getting her tube feed! She wore another of her own outfits for the first time this week (thank you Nic and Rick!) and looked soooo cute in it! It's a "tiny baby" outfit but still pretty big on her! She's been a wee toerag pulling her feeding tube out all the time - even during a feed.

Uncle Greig and Aunty Claire visited this week and saw a big difference in Sophie as they hadn't seen her since she was still in her incubator in intensive care. They were able to touch her for the first time.

Besotted aunty and uncle!

Sophie's daddy and I are allowed a lot more cuddles now which is amazing...she is really starting to feel more like "our baby"....